An emotional roller coaster

Wow! What an emotional roller coaster the last few weeks have been...but this will definitely be part of our story so I'm writing it down at least in part so I don't forget. In my last blog post I mentioned getting "the call." Well, it turns out it wasn't really the call for us. Our agency called two weeks ago...I was on the treadmill at the gym listening to a podcast and my phone rang. It was a Florida number so I had a suspicion it was our agency, so I answered. The director was calling with a referral for a little girl. Everything sounded so wonderful, except for the fact that for 20+ years I've felt like I was going to have a son from Ukraine and not a daughter. So she went back to check on what boys she had at the time. She called me back with a little info on a little boy, but urged us to really consider his medical conditions and if he was really a good fit for our family.

We got pictures of the two kiddos, but of course no more information. That's part of adopting from Ukraine...it's a blind referral so you don't get info until you're in country.

That weekend was Mother's Day. I'll be honest-I've never had a "hard" Mother's Day. I know so many that have, but it wasn't something I could relate with. I had no idea this would be such a hard day for me...definitely not something I was anticipating. I woke up and we headed to church and I was just in a funk. Tears-not knowing what to do and also knowing I had a kiddo on the other side of the world waiting for us! Not sure how else to explain it other than hard. I was desperate for clarity and just wanted God to send me an email telling us what we should do .

To make a long story short, after many many tears and begging the Lord for clarity, we've decided we're sticking with what the He put on my heart 20+ years ago...it's gotta be a boy. I don't know that I can emotionally go to Ukraine and not bring a son home. But we found out later even more about the little boy's medical conditions and are trusting our agency, that it's more than we feel equipped to handle and that the agency already has a family interested in him that is a better fit than our family. Our agency posts welcome home picks for all of their families so I'll just anxiously await seeing both of these kid's with their forever families! But they're also two more faces in my mind (along with so many others from years ago when I visited orphanages) that I'll never forget. I can tell you adoption definitely takes a village...we have felt so loved and supported as we struggled with this. I don't think our friends understand how much the prayers and texts and offers to help however they can mean to us!

So we are back to square one...fingerprint appointments for our immigration paperwork on Tuesday and then waiting for the form from Homeland Security which is the last form needed to complete our dossier. Continuing to trust that God has the perfect little boy picked out for our family and that the timing lines up just perfectly-the little guy is available at just the right time as our appointment in Ukraine.